This morning I awoke to a meditation that left me calm, strong, and grounded. I needed it. It’s been one hell of a week, in a hell of a winter.
This was the winter that Jim was diagnosed with diabetes. It’s the winter he had heart surgery, putting in two new stents. This winter we haven’t quite crashed on financial rocks, but we’ve scraped them a little and they are still so close.
It’s the year we realized the rewiring / remodeling work required a whole lot of seemingly unrelated permits. Expensive ones. (Septic review, although we aren’t changing the number of bathrooms. Critical Area review, although nothing about the exterior is changing.)
It’s been a cold La Niña winter in a stalled remodel, with no furnace. (But we have a good wood stove.)
So when Jim said on Monday that his heart was giving him trouble again, it hit me hard. (They are testing, but it looks like it was the diabetes and not the heart. They won’t be opening him up any time soon.) When I had trouble capturing a clients’ voice, it hit me hard. Everything hit me hard.
Running out of wood, with snow on the ground, just seemed to summarize the year.
In my mind, I pick up a garnet bead. It’s about the size of a large pea, and glows deep red. I hold it up, it transforms into a pearl, and it floats away.
Intrigued, I pick up another garnet bead. This time I notice that it flashes through different color as it transforms into a pearl. I watch it float away.
I pick up another. Something about these colors.
Another. I watch closely, slowing down the transformation. The garnet glows orange. Now yellow, transformed into a citrine bead. It folds into itself and emerges emerald. The emerald shimmers through sapphire to tanzanite, that hovers between deepest blue and deepest purple. A moment of amethyst. And a pearl, floating away from my hand.
Again, slowly, with focus on my chakras as the bead changes in my hand. Now it grows as it changes, until I’m holding a pearl the size of a melon. The pearl glows, and floats away. I’m calm and strong.
Today I visit my friend Judy. She’s giving me some firewood she has no use for, and we will have tea.